Relationships: How To Date Your Spouse

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Have you ever hear a friends spouse say “We’ve been married 10 years, but it feels like 30?” While we all laugh and shrug it off, how long does it actually feel like you’ve been married?

Do you remember how dating felt? Constant playfulness, excessive communication about how wonderful the other person is, being adventurous and trying new things, setting time aside for one on one activities. Ok… Why can’t your marriage be the same way?

While I’m not your local marriage counselor, I have learned a thing or two in my 8 years of marriage.

Never stop playing.

I remember this one time in our tiny first kitchen, my husband was preparing our steaks and I was secretly clipping those washi tape chip clips onto his baggy clothes, one at a time. I waited in angst for several minutes to see just how long it would take. When he finally noticed, it was laughter and tears from the both of us! Just this week, I snuck a “Hot Tamale” candy into his “Mike N Ike” box, and he nearly choked to death as the cinnamon tickled his tongue, unlike the cherry flavor he thought he was getting!

Keeping playfulness in your relationship keeps you guessing what the other person will do. It keeps you intrigued, it also helps keep the pattern you guys settled into less boring and mundane.

Never stop flirting.

While we all have those cute pet names for each other, they’re often said out of habit. “Hey, Babe…” is now normal, versus when you’re dating it gives you the ultimate butterflies and sense of love.

My husband and I like to make a point of it to compliment the other. “Heeeey hot stuff! Where you goin’?” My husband yells across the room, in front of the friends he knows we’re having a double date with. I make a point of it to wink at him from across the room, just so he knows that I only have eyes for only him. Of course, you can never forget the occasional “booty smack!” While these things seem childish, it’s complimentary for us both. That sense of “I’m still attractive, I’m still enough.” Trust me, after four children, I need these moments.

dating your spouse

Never shy away from adventure, and always step out of your comfort zone.

When people hear the word “adventure,” it’s easy to assume expensive vacations or trips. Having adventures can be inexpensive and local, so make a habit to try something new!

My husband and I try to do something new as often as we can; whether it’s a picnic at the local lake or an hour trip to a new city, there’s always something new to experience. Most recently, we went to Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg and found a new love for wine! Locally, there’s indoor putt putt, escape rooms, go karts, fine dining, line dancing, so many things that will create great memories if you step out of your comfort zone!

Trying new things together allows you both to be vulnerable, but within the security of each other. It allows you both to be new at something together, but to also rely on each other to learn.

One last thing, for those “nay-sayers,” you CAN date at home.

My husband and I have 5 kids together, and often times, it’s after 8pm when our house is quiet and it’s “us time.” The little things in those quiet hours are incredibly important. Did you have something on your honey-do list that he needed to take care of? Do it WITH him. That toilet that runs, go get your hands dirty and help him. Let him TEACH you!

Is there a project you wanted him to start? Go with him! You don’t have to swing a hammer to spend quality time with him, instead, write down the measurements he says, go digging through the toolbox for the tool he needs, and be fully prepared to bring back the wrong one and have him laugh at you.

dating your spouse

These moments, in the exhaustion and dark quiet, will help you connect with one another, and learn new things about each other, as if you were dating for the first time. Make time for each other at home, not just for those physical needs!

Never, ever, stop dating your spouse. Don’t settle into a boring routine with your relationship, be spontaneous, playful, and make time for each other, even in house hold projects.

What are some things that you do with your spouse to keep the relationship playful and alive?

1 COMMENT

  1. All of this is spot on. I wish I knew you so we could hang out. I bet you’ve got so many friends though…I understand. They’re the moths and you’re the flame.

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